Haha, Oh, well that sounds a lot grosser than I intended, but it gave me a laugh. As the title states my spit has arrived!!! It’s is currently being tested ( 😳 big eyed emoji! I need to log into a computer and see if the emojis I love and adore to use actually translate haha since all my writing is on my phone or iPad)
So if my calculations are correct (based off of what others have experienced). There is a very good possibility sometime next week I will be getting the alert saying my results are in!!! Eek! I don’t know if I’m ready for this.
Tonight hubster and I were talking, I asked him ” What is the absolute worse case senerio you can come up with? One that would break me? ” He named off some pretty awful possibilities, all of which I’ve already conjured up in my head at some point or another. We couldn’t come up with one senerio, sure there are posibilties of getting hurt or disappointed, but nothing that would tear me apart and do detrimental damage. Which is a good thing!
See the thing is, I’m 33 years old, I have had 33 years to already put myself through hell with the unknown possibilities and bring myself back together and learn to love and accept from it. I went through that period in my life where I hurt so deep down inside feeling I was an unwanted child. There was a childless woman out there who carried me in her womb for 9 months, held me for one day and said ‘Nope, I don’t want her’ HOW?!?! This was a very dark period in my life. But a necessary period, with out FEELING, I would never have become the woman I am today.
I knew I was always meant to have children so at a young age the thought of handing my own child into the arms of a stranger just didn’t seem like an option, I always thought you just ‘Figure it out’ or ‘Do what you gotta do’.
So naive, part of ‘Figuring it out’ and ‘Doing what you gotta do’ is making hard choices in life that are 100% selfless. THAT! That, right there is exactly what adoption is. When a parent puts their child up for adoption, no matter what the back reasons are, it is a selfless act!! SELFLESS!
Really? Selfless? YES! See in all my years of not knowing, there was one thing I knew for sure. My biological mother gave me life! She chose for me to have a life she could not provide. As well as giving two people a child they couldn’t have. For whatever that reason was, age, finances, addiction, housing, etc whatever her circumstances may have been, even if it was she never wanted a child. She chose to give me a life. So maybe the reasons could possibly be selfish but the outcome was not. For this I will forever be grateful. If it were not for that woman I wouldn’t be here, I wouldn’t have my incredible parents, and brother, my husbster would be a lonely man and my children never would have been born. I thank her, and I love her for the beautiful gift she gave me.
We did find one thing that makes me nervous though . . . The possibitly of this chapter in my life coming to a close. The likelyhood of it happening right away is pretty slim, but it is a possibility, and although exciting, it’s still quite scary.