Adopted · Adoptee · Adoption · Ancestry · Ethnicity · Family · Family history · Genetics · heritage

I just can’t focus

I can’t keep my head straight this past week. I’ve written several drafts and none seem quite on track. 

I have been floating on cloud nine since I received my DNA matches.  I really didn’t get a whole lot of information. I don’t have a name or a location, but I have a picture. I have a match. I haven’t had a response yet from BFM, which is okay, it’s a lot to process. I’ve had nearly 34 years to form my words in case I ever came in contact with a family member. 

I’ve had a chance to play around with the family tree, and I have to say it is pretty incredible. It has listed my biological grandfather and his entire family. I’ve played around on the internet trying to place names together to see if I can connect the dots to living people.  

My ultimate goal is to have a sit down meeting with my biological parents. My mother more so but I would love to meet them. 

I want to sit face to face with my biological mother and have a good, honest, unfiltered conversation. I want to hear the good, the bad, the ugliest of ugly. I don’t won’t it to be sugar coated or worried about my feelings. I want to get into her head and really know and understand what she was going through at the time of my birth.  I want to ask questions, I want her to ask me questions. I want a good, hard conversation. 

Now the likely hood for this actually happening I know is slim.  I don’t know if she is still local, or has any interest in me at all. I’d like to eliminate the emails and phone calls but I might just have to settle for a phone call if I ever do reach her, and she wants to speak to me, AND that is okay! 

I am also very interested in siblings. Honestly if any relationships where to form I want it most with siblings.  See my brother and I don’t have the traditional relationship because of his disabilitys.  I love him like no one else but it’s just a different relationship then Hubster and his siblings.  Of course meeting sibling (if there are any) in my 30’s is a lot different then growing up together but I would still love to have some sort of a relationship.  Again the likely hood of this happening is slim but I still think it would be fun. 

But that’s all in an ideal world which we all know we don’t live in.  

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