Adopted · Adoptee · Adoption · Family · Postivity · Where Do I come from

A Journey to Call Your Own

I can only speak for myself, and after reading more and more adoptee blogs I am so very grateful for my parents and the way they raised me. 

I really enjoy hearing everyone’s story, where they have been, where they are going, what they’ve experienced, the good and the bad. I take their stories and I hold them deep in my heart, I feel their pain, their love, their happiness etc. It helps keep me grounded (selfishly I admit) it helps me remember how very blessed I am and that everyone has their very own battle they are battling. We have our own struggles as a family, like everyone else. In fact our little guy Dunne2 keeps giving us health scares. Nothing has ever been serious but it’s all been scary and emotionally taxing. I just keep repeating “It could be so much worse, Thank God it’s not” 

I read these blogs from other adoptees and they are full of anger and hatred. Funny enough it’s all people who were adopted into nice loving families (as they put it) But yet they are angry at their biological family for abandoning them, or (this blows my mind) their adoptive families because they don’t understand how it feels to be adopted. 

Wait, WHAT?!?!? 😳 

It’s so confusing to me. I mean, yes I get it. I have abandonment issues I always have and most likely always will. I’ve just harbored them in odd social anxieties that may make certain aspects of my life a little more difficult but they aren’t doing me any harm.  In fact just yesterday (lol I’m laughing to myself thinking about how ridiculous I am) I literally ran (aka walked swiftly) because I was fearful to have a conversation with another parent (someone I didn’t know who she was until that moment) at my child’s day care.  The funny part!!! I left her a nice note in her child’s bin asking her to call/text me for a play date with our kids.  WHO DOES THAT?!?! Unfortunately this a norm for me. I get weird when it comes to approaching people I 1: don’t know 2: barely know 3: haven’t seen in a very long time. It’s a strange social thing, it’s a fearful thing, from what I’ve been told it’s part of that abandonment feeling. I guess I’m fearful of being rejected right off the bat.  But for anyone who knows me can’t believe that I have this inner turmoil going on. A friend of mine just told me the other day “But you’re so friendly and will talk to anyone” and that’s the weird part it all depends on the setting and my mood.  I’m not trying to be rude, just sometimes I have no control over it.  I have a few little ‘isms’ like this. I know where it stems from, I know how to control it to a certain extent and it doesn’t hinder my life.  

I refuse to hold anger in my heart! I refuse to hold any hurt in my heart. What good has it ever done for anyone to carry around those poisonous emotions? I’ll just continue on my merry way hiding from people I asked to contact me HA-HA, Okay, Okay that’s not healthy and I joke, but it is something I’m aware of and continuously work on. 

But, I guess everyone has their story, and the right to express it in their own way. This is just my story. 

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