Why now? Why at 33 years old did I get this whole thing started?
Why not 18 when I was a legal adult? Why not 21 when I was a “true” adult? At 25 I discovered my records were destroyed, losing all hope. So why now?
What promomted me at 33 years old to order a DNA test, that 20 years old I never would have imagined exsisted. Why now?
These are thoughts that have been running through my head a lot lately. I think it’s because now as a 34 year old woman, with a great family, married with two kids, I have no expectations. There are questions I needed answered for my own needs, but that’s it. Those answers, or possible answers, aren’t going to make or break me. Could I get hurt, of course! But, will it do massive harm? No.
I know myself, I know my life, I know what I can and can not handle. If I get doors slammed in my face with a big Eff you, so be it. Would it hurt, sure. Just look at the withdrawing of a message, it shook me, but it didn’t break me.
I have my life, nothing can change that. My biological family, Mother, Father, siblings, and extended family they all have their own lives. I don’t want to disrupt theirs, just because of my curiosity. No body owes me anything, nor do I owe them.
I expect nothing … but, I’m getting nothing but kindness and love.
How is this my life? How is this really happening? This isn’t the typical scenario, this is like a hallmark movie, but without the crazy dramatic twist. So far. How is it that I am so fortunate and blessed to be loved by so many, and welcomed.
None of us know what the final outcome is going to be, we might build beautiful life long relationships, or it might turn into a Christmas card list relationship. Nature will take its course and that is okay!
Everything happens for a reason, everything has its time. When I was younger I was in a different frame of mind, and unconsciously I knew I would not be prepared for the outcome, nor do we know if it would have been the same. My bio side may not have been open to it then either.
I am grateful for the love and support that I have, the kindness that is being shown to me. I am grateful to have been able to wait it out until I was truly ready for whatever would be.
I am excited for the unknown, whatever the final outcome will be, I am excited.
Man, I can’t wait until the BrothersDunne are old enough to understand all this. I can’t wait to tell them mommy’s story. I can’t wait till I can give them all the answers that I grew up not knowing. ❤️